If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
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i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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