I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Someone came in the potted fern
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
