i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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