What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
