She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
