i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
