mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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