I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
