I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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