She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
