VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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