Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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