I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
