The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
