? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Soap is not a condiment
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
