so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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