If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
