im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
