Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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