oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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