I need help removing her.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
