The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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