I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
