Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
