So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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