"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
