90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
