Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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