i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
