Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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