I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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