does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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