I will die if light touches me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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