I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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