Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
