Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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