I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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