your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
