I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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