What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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