I'm eating all of the evidence.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
