When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
