After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
