Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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