Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
