I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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