He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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