this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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