This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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