im six kinds of drunk right now
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
