I accidentally burped into my bong.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
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He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
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I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week