Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.

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  (516): It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch. http://tfl.nu/fh6f
  Replies (9) Good night (6384) Bad night (835)
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  (530): View more from California

  I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.

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  (530): I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons. http://tfl.nu/pcjk
  Replies (20) Good night (6118) Bad night (811)
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  (707): View more from California

  I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight

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  (707): I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight http://tfl.nu/5bl0
  Replies (11) Good night (4175) Bad night (942)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.

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  (401): I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver. http://tfl.nu/132c
  Replies (21) Good night (6111) Bad night (1349)
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  (631): View more from New York

  So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

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  (631): So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?" http://tfl.nu/ljzm
  Replies (51) Good night (2155) Bad night (6824)
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  (562): View more from California

  I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.

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  (562): I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible. http://tfl.nu/uxem
  Replies (11) Good night (5478) Bad night (987)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends

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  (847): u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends http://tfl.nu/ywa9
  Replies (14) Good night (4318) Bad night (1914)
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  (805): View more from California

  Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?

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  (805): Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement? http://tfl.nu/mmb3
  Replies (21) Good night (4111) Bad night (1050)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Semen is not good for contacts.

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  (727): Semen is not good for contacts. http://tfl.nu/krg1
  Replies (10) Good night (1061) Bad night (3249)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras

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  (301): Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras http://tfl.nu/fw4u
  Replies (11) Good night (2787) Bad night (608)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw

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  (214): I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw http://tfl.nu/sktq
  Replies (5) Good night (1098) Bad night (1079)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis

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  (360): Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis http://tfl.nu/354f
  Replies (2) Good night (885) Bad night (645)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.

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  (330): I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one. http://tfl.nu/be90
  Replies (3) Good night (547) Bad night (1336)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night

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  (434): Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night http://tfl.nu/pi3r
  Replies (2) Good night (507) Bad night (270)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Where'd you go last night?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.

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  (512): Where'd you go last night? (512): Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex. http://tfl.nu/hvgs
  Replies (3) Good night (882) Bad night (282)

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