could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?