I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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