Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
