Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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