it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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