VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
