He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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