after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
