its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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