Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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