Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
