I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
