so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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