Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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