i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
