so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
