fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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