Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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