she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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