just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
