i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there was a trapeze. enough said
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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