We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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