The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We smell like vodka and hangover
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