He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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