Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
