She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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