Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
