Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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