My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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