You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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