Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
