I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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