I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
