Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
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That dog was the best thing i ever touched
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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