ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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